So the melt down has begun...

I like to call this "mommy meltdown" or perhaps "The Dark Side of Adoption." Normally I would assume it's just me, since I tend to be more emotional/dramatic than most, but I've talked to several of my "adopting" friends and they all agree. As the wait drags on and you still don't know when you're flying...we all go certifiably nuts.

Things that have helped me in the last few days:

* cleaning (when I'm stressed, I love to clean! My counters are positively sparkling!)
*mojitos (thank goodness some wonderful Cuban invented this sublime mint/rum concoction in the 1920s...it's heaven in a frosted glass)
*praying for Laney (the kids and I have gathered 'round more frequently lately and prayed for our future daughter/sister.)
*and PRESENTS! LOL! (Have I mentioned that gifts are my love language?)

Just today my fabulous friend Jessica sent me a wonderful gift. It arrived on the perfect day. She sent me a beautiful red leather passport cover (red for China!). On the inside, the leather is a pumpkin orange (orange is my favorite color!). Thank you Jess! (((hugs))) I love it. It made my day!

I know I've posted it before, but it has...

long since scrolled down. I just wanted to tuck in another photo of Laney Kate from May. I just want to scoop her up and hold her -- NOW. What a sweetie pie!

The wait is officially starting to get to both of us...

My dh is an absolute rock. One of the most calm, collected, happy people I have ever known. Throughout this whole adoption journey, I've been the one who has had highs & lows and "freak out" moments. He has not. This is pretty much par for the course. (One reason I love him so!!)

But now, we're both just sort of sitting around staring at each other. Laney's bag is packed. Ours is mostly packed. (Just need to add clothes). Our passports & visas are here. Our cash for the trip is ready (we ordered & picked up new bills at the bank). We know what airline we'll be using and we have the website bookmarked. We just need that TA call from our agency so we can pick up the phone and order the tickets! AACK!

It's getting harder for me to think about my sweet baby and where she is right now. I know she doesn't know we're coming or that we even exist. I realize she has nothing to compare her life to, so for her, the orphanage is "normal."

I just pray that angels whisper to her in the night and that God prepares her young heart for her new mamma & baba (the word for daddy, in China). That she finds herself growing expectant and peaceful as the day approaches, and that when we are finally united she will be comforted as she leaves the only "home" she has ever known.

Troy & I are getting nervous & excited and just, oh so READY to be on our way! We want our four munchkins all together...the three "L" sisters and the one cool bro. :)

The UPS man just delivered...

our passports -- back from the San Francisco Chinese Consulate's office -- featuring beautiful China VISAS!

We're set now. All we need is our official TA (travel aproval) and we'll be booking tickets and headed to China. We're coming sweet Laney!

Getting more excited by the day...

Yesterday I washed and carefully folded all of Laney's clothes for the trip. I've unpacked and repacked her suitcase about, oh, four times. I'm sure I'll do it again before we leave!

Troy & I spent last night looking at Hong Kong guide books more closely ~ making notes of the train schedule information, restaurants that sounds awesome, etc.

We have at least 2-3 weeks before we get our official travel approval and in the meantime, we're going to be busy! I need to get it all down on "paper."

Here is my to-do/get-to-do list for the next couple of weeks:

* dentist check-ups for Lily & Colby
*dentist check-up for Troy
* final pre-trip appt with our doctor for prescription refills & something to knock me out for the plane ride!
*finish de-cluttering my living room and take a big batch of things over to Good Will
*refinish & repaint the dresser in our room for the Landry & Laney's room.
*finish up reorganizing my closet & Troy's closets
*make & freeze a few meals for when we get back
*we're going as a family to visit my sister & brother-in-law in Colorado for 4 days (Yay!)
*purchase & organize birthday cards & gifts I'll need to send throughout August & September (because I know I'll be too busy & exhausted to worry about that later)

And I'm sure that there is more I'm forgetting, but that's about it.

Think I'll be busy enough until we get our travel call? LOL!

Hip Hip Hooray!! Our LOA is arriving today!

Great news!! This morning CCAI emailed us to let us know we should be expecting our LOA today. They received it late yesterday, from the CCAA, and they overnighted it immediately to us. This letter is a"Letter of Acceptance," also known as a “Letter Seeking Confirmation of Adopter” for our child, issued by the CCAA! The CCAA needs families’ signatures on this document. The CCAA will need to receive this signed letter before they can issue our Travel Approval. As soon as CCAI receive this back from us, they will forward it on to China.

The exciting part? Once the CCAA has received this signed letter, CCAI estimates they will receive our Travel Approval in about two to three weeks! We could still be flying by the end of August and not Sept. YAY!!!!!!!!

One step closer to our daughter ~ Laney Kate Rao...

I logged in to my email account this morning and saw a notification from our agency. We've received Travel Packet II. What does this mean?

Well, if you recall, we received Laney's referral from CCAI's waiting child list. Our dossier had been LID (logged in) on March 23, 2007. That means our actual, hard copy dossier was placed in a bin on a shelf (along with all the other March '07 dossiers from around the world) and was set to go through a full review...months later. Just 6 weeks later, we received the call for Laney and sent in our LOI (letter-of-intent) asking to please let us adopt this specific baby. The last 73 days have been spent waiting for them to go and get our dossier out of the aforementioned bin, review it thoroughly and then send our file (and Laney's!) to the official "MATCH ROOM."

Receiving our TPII download notification is a big step and it lets us know a few things.

1) We've made it successfully through the review room. They found nothing they had 2nd questions about and they will approve us for Laney without reservation.

2) We're now in the Match Room.

3) We're going to be receiving our LOA soon. Probably in 1-2 weeks. The LOA is the Letter-of-Acceptance. It is the final official "agreement" we must sign in order to be matched with Laney. When the LOA is issued, our agency will overnight it to us, we must sign and overnight it back to them. Then our TA (Travel Approval) will follow in 4-5 weeks.

Sweet Laney, we truly are coming to bring you home! We have prayed for you, dreamed about you and are honored at the thought of being called "Mama & Dada." The wait is hard, but we know we're going to be there soon.

Day 68

But who is counting?

Checking in...

We're still waiting for news on Laney and when we might be traveling. Each day is hard, but each day brings us closer to our daughter.

In other news ~ for those of you who don't know, I'm a bottled water junkie. I'm also working toward becoming a more earth-friendly and other-centered (as opposed to "me-centered" ) person. Yesterday, I ran across this article in a magazine a friend loaned me. It struck right to the heart. For others who enjoy the luxury of bottled water, as I do, this might prove as eye-opening and convicting to you as it did to me.

Be challenged!

Hello from Michigan...

We're at our summer place in Ludington for the next two weeks. It's so beautiful here. The weather is perfect (as it usually is here!) and we spent all afternoon yesterday at the beach. The kids ran and played and the adults visited and worked on our tans. We're here with some close friends and their children too. It's been great to relax and enjoy ourselves -- since we've been so anxious (happy anxious!) about when we'll be going to China, planning the trip, packing, doing paperwork, etc., for the last several weeks.

We're on Day 59 of the wait today. I'm hoping we hear an update on our travel news when we return home in a couple of weeks.

Day 51...

We're still waiting for LOA. Just had to put it in black & white for myself.

Today is a happy day...

I'm filled with joy this morning. This is a big day for two of my favorite people!

The first is my little sister. Have I mentioned she is pregnant with her first baby? Yay!! Today is her first OB appt. I remember how excited and nervous I was when I went in for that 1st appt. with Lily. Carrie, you're going to do great! You will, of course, be an awesome mamma. And your doctors will take great care of you. I'm excited to hear all about it later today! I love you sis!

The other person I'm thrilled for is my dear, dear friend Jess. She is adopting 3 gorgeous kids from Ethiopia (see my blog list below and click on "Jess' 3 from E" for more info on her cool journey.) Anyway, today is the BIG court appointment day when her kids will officially become part of the Vega Forever Family. Woo hoo! I love you Jess and I am so thrilled for you. You are the kind of mom that inspires me!

Day 48....

It seems that the average LOA has been taking 90 days to arrive. Technically, we're over the half-way point. I keep praying we get our news much earlier than that, but we'll see. I have to keep popping in and making a note of how long we've waited so far, to remind myself of reality. It feels like much longer.

A wonderful surprise....

When Landry was younger, I finally hit upon my favorite baby carrier. (This was after trying several different carriers!) It's a Mei Tai-style carrier, and it's made by Robyn at BabyHawk. Robyn's fabrics are amazing and her workmanship is impeccable. I had one (chocolate straps -- Hawaiian fabric) that I loved and used for Landry. I gave it away to a friend who had just adopted from China. I figured I had plenty of time to order another one...not thinking we would get our referral for at least 2 years! Well, Miss Laney Kate Rao made her appearance blissfully early and I found myself looking at heading to China BabyHawk-less.

My sweet friend, Kristin, told me, "I want to buy you a new baby carrier!" She is such a dear friend. I was thrilled and I just received it recently. It's awesome! Pink straps & cool funky polka-dot fabric. You'll see it on me when we're in China. :) Anyway, for those of you who are looking for a Mei Tai carrier, check out Robyn's website. I can't endorse her products enough. Incredibly comfortable, versatile and always well-made!

My little Landry got her first haircut today!

Here is a picture of the sisters -- both with new trims! (The sun was shining so Landry was struggling to look at the camera).

And I couldn't leave Colby out. His hair is always the same -- short & neat, but here he is last week at our local children's zoo. :)

I smiled this morning...

when I logged in to check my email. I realized I've never moved the email from our agency (the one giving us the first information on Laney & her pictures) to a different file. It's still in my inbox. It makes me smile every time I see it. I can't believe we're so blessed!

I also wanted to mention that I've added some banners to my blog. Both for One and Red. These organizations work to eradicate suffering in the world...poverty & AIDS specifically. I have supported both for some time now and I urge you to read over their information and think about how you might help. Our planet is hurting and God has put us here, at this time, for a reason. Let's do the most with what we have.
Reach out and give in whatever way you can.
If not us, then who?
If not now, when?
Spread the word.
Seek social justice.
Work for peace.
Touch others with Love.

I belong...

to this wonderful email loop of other CCAI families who are waiting to go and pick up their children. I've learned so much from the btdt families, and so much support and understanding from those who are waiting for the first time...like me.

Yesterday I posted to the group and this is what I said, "This is the hardest wait I've ever
had! I've had three birth children, and pregnancy was NEVER this tough! I really feel like my brain is split in half. I can't think straight. I can't concentrate. I can't focus on anything. I'm totally excited, completely nervous, utterly happy, irrevocably smitten, all-together READY TO BE ON A PLANE!"

Yep sweet Laney, that pretty much sums up what your mama is going through. Love you though ~ and you're SO worth it!

I'm really struggling today...

the wait is so hard. Some days seem easier than others. Today is crazy-hard. The kind of tough that makes your heart ache. But then I stare at her face and I remember. It's 3 in the morning in China right now. My sweet baby daughter is sleeping...and I just want to be there to hold her and rock her and love on her.

I'm praying that we are able to really enjoy our family vacation we're taking in a couple of weeks. I need to calm down and focus on enjoying each day we have as a family...even though we aren't all together yet. Hopefully, when we return mid-July, we'll be coming home to more news about when we'll be traveling.

Day 40 of the LOA/TA wait...

and still no word on when we'll be traveling. This waiting game is so hard! I can't wait to book those tickets and board that plane.

Read this today....

I thought it was powerful.

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
So that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and
To turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world.
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.